As the familiar and still delicious sweet entered my eyes I recognized the familiar eye popping combinations of colors and words. Crunching the sweet,but plain smelling wrapper in my hand I began to open the the packet. The familiar smell of cherry sweet and sour entered my nose and I knew, that this would be only another time where an ocean blue with oil spill purple will enter my watering mouth. As I recognized that fact, I was my stomach and I were fluttering with delight. So delighted I almost forgot that before eating it, I had better finishing writing down all the wonderful and amazing things that I will notice. Sadly I put the delicious treat down and finished but, as soon as that was done I ate the mouth watering sweets that I was waiting for. The sweet and sour taste rejuvenated my tongue and my entire body. The feeling was exciting, new, but old, and already done too.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Fruit Roll up
Pic. from: http://img.coxnewsweb.com
Posted by Varun Batta at 9:39 AM
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1 comments:
Varun, another thing to consider is maybe not to use the same vocabulary over and over again. Your writing is very descriptive and at some spots, it puts a VERY clear image in my head. You did show instead of tell, but at SOME spots, you went straight to the point, and didn’t lengthen the thought more. When you ate it, you could’ve described what it felt like, or smelt like. Other than word choice, and minor description areas, the writing was very clear. And put images in my head straight away.
-SABEI.
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